I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
