just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
