he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
