Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
