The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
