dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
