She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
