I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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