dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
