The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Acid is not a monday night drug
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
