no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
