: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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