:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
