nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
