ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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