just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
