If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Moan for me like Helen Keller
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
