hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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