Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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