I think I died a long time ago.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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