You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
