First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
