the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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