that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
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