you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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