I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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