apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
