she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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