i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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