Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I have fence marks all over my body
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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