Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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