Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
