dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
