how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I wish there were birth control emojis
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
