How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
