Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Blow job season was short but glorious.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
