im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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