i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
