i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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