it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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