Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
