proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
