this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
