I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
