I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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