I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My pussy is not your playground.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
