Who wears a wallet chain?!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
