just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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