Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
