I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
