this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
