I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
