Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
